i'm kind of sad today.

i'm sure being a woman and getting that monthly gift has everything to do with it, but it still sucks feeling so emotional. it just feels like ever since i got to LA nothing has worked out in my interest. yes i had a job the first week i was here, but that was about the only good thing that has happened to me since the 1st of June. 

where should i begin... well, i haven't even been here for a month yet and am already on my fifth ticket. yes i read signs, but these bastards get you if you go over a minute! and i am not exaggerating! a $78 ticket for one minute late on my meter, two $60 tickets for parking on the wrong side of the street (kz every day is a different side for street cleaning) and two other parking tickets for $40. unfuckingbelievable. 

then there's the fact that all i do with my days is sit around, watch television, maybe go on a casting or two, then moap around some more until it's time to sleep. FML. im not saying that i am not happy to at least be going on a casting or two a day, because trust me I AM, but why is it that the girls who do drugs all night and show up to work the next morning reeking of booze are the ones that are always booking things? that makes me so angry!! i actually care about my job, i care that i don't look exhausted, hungover or reek of ridiculous odors and i am the one that sits at home with no job, no money, and no life. 

then there's the so called 'friends'. haah, that word does not really exist in los angeles. no one here is your friend! this place is worse than nyc. people here only want to know you because they want to know who you know and what you or others can do for them. not only will they drop you like a bad habit but they will bring your good name down with them. i had an incident last week with a 'so called friend', who i will not mention. he is well know, wealthy, and a pain in the ass. just because he has a shit ton of money and can have whatever he wants whenever he wants, it does not mean he can be-little people, especially me. i don't give a rats ass who you are, what you have, or what you can offer me.. don't talk to me like i am less than you. if you don't like my personality and you don't like me for me, no one is making you stick around. you are not the only 'promoter' in this town who will offer me a free dinner, thank you very much. (ps, he hates being called that. lol. he is the only person i know in this town that four girls to one guy is too many girls. whateverrr)

and last but not least, there are the so called 'friends' back home that hurt me more than anyone will ever really know. one in particular i considered a true friend for oh so many years and out of the blue she decided to hate me, talk crap about me, and post lies on fb about me for all to see. the only reason why the fb thing really bothers me is because i went to a christian school growing up. everyone that we are mutual friends with knows me as the girl from back then. the pretty, quiet, good girl, that ended up getting out of that small town and moving to ny to do what i had always dreamed of. since these people have not seen me in so many years and only read about me i for sure do not want them believing false rumors. the thing that annoys ME so damn much is that this incident happened at least 4 months ago and i still cannot let it go. it has upset me so much! not only because of those reasons mentioned above, but because i actually want to be happy for this girl (and her followers). i WANT to wish them happiness and congratulate them on their lives and the families they are starting. we grew up together for goodness sake. its just so sad and hurtful to me how fast someone you thought was a friend can and will turn on you so quickly. 

i am the happiest and most secure when i am with my boyfriend who loves me so so much, and therefore i cannot wait until this LA experience is over. i am so glad i am starting school in the fall. its time for a new adventure and i know it's going to be mind blowing. 

for all of you 'friends' that truly are and always have been, i appreciate you guys more than anything!! if it wasn't for the good people in my life, i think i would just be a mess. thank you for holding me together. i love every single one of you.